On reclaiming motherhood: Day Two.

And I’m back – after a long hiatus.  I have recently found myself the victim of a lay-off in the social service industry, and now, for the first time in four years, I am a stay at home mom again.

The reason I’m writing on day 2 of this change is that day 1 wasn’t really worth reporting.  Day one was the day I forced myself to get dressed, have lunch with my dad and my son, and cash my final paycheck and pay the rent with the last paycheck I’ll get for a while.

Today, the sun is shining – my son is excited to go to the park – and I am sitting down briefly to begin a journey that I’ll share here.  I am currently without a real direction on this journey – I’m still attempting to get my bearings, and evaluate who I am without a source of income and a “mission” (because that’s what us social worker types have, MISSIONS).  

I’m reminded though – at one point, further back in my life story, my MISSION was to be a mother.  I wanted nothing more than babies and bliss.

That’s what all the ads made it look like.

Now, I have a house full of persons without frontal lobes, who appeared in four year increments. That’s right folks, 4, 8, 12, and 16.  

And I haven’t looked at the technical definition of bliss – but in my mind, I liken it to nirvana – orgasm – jelly filled doughnuts or the perfectly crafted mojito…and I’m pretty sure that THIS…is not THAT.

So…I’m going to take this fancy degree, and all of my knowledge about parenting and child development and organizing families and establishing routines and most of all ATTACHMENT PARENTING…and I’m gonna try it out on my own family.  They have now become my client base.  

I will record their progress, and my outcomes HERE.  I can’t promise that my reports will be timely, but when they are posted, they will be both relevant and informative.  They will be thorough accounts of what worked and what didn’t.  I have a sneaking suspicion that we just might end up with a good deal of the latter, and you can at least be assured that they will be humorous, because that is how I deal with my failures.

I suspect my children will be less than enthused to be my subjects. As I re-discover what a day without “work” looks like, as I am home before and after school to be “all up in their shit”…as I manage my household full time instead of my position…what will that all look like for us?

It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time.

Here’s to being “unemployed”.  

Here’s to serious thinking about my career, and my life path.  

Here’s to hanging out with my OWN kid during the day, instead of paying someone else to while he grows up and I no longer recognize him except in those moments, when he is sleeping, where his baby face reemerges, and I have a brief glimpse of my last vivid memory before I embarked on my career path.  

Here’s to cooking from scratch every night (because it’s cheaper) and actually getting to plant my garden AND take care of it.  

Here’s to extreme couponing, farmer’s market, resale stores, and frugality.  Okay, scratch the couponing.  I’m no good at that.

Day two: It’s good to be back.  Now, off to the park.